choice

so it was
so it will be
frantically reaching for sanity
stopping at each intersection just to feel like progress is made.
it’s empty
it’s an empty feeling, living this way
taking your words to heart
plastering them among my organs
like, like a collage I never meant to make.
certainly inhibited
certainly fearful, but not naive.
not naive.
maybe the heartbreak is less of losing you, and just more of a tear here, a rip there,
as the plaster of paris falls apart.
adhering initially
but generally falling short.
too much want left me far too open, left me blind.

and “I’m a passionate woman”
she said to herself.
“I feel in the earth and in the streets.
I feel in sand and in heat.
I feel in hunger I do not know,
and hatred I have not seen.
Because when no one is looking,
I see.
And where people try to seal themselves away,
I see.
I see their passion and pain seeping out.
Dripping, melting and disappearing into people like me.”

I wouldn’t have so vividly exposed my core if I didn’t believe you were like me.
I always win.
I always win, this just doesn’t seem right.
generally speaking lyricism breaks all fractions within myself.
oh, but not this time.
I’m a warrior.
I’m a fierce player in this game.
always winning, but I guess not today.