choice

and to you, i suppose today is just another day.
a bit more dust caked on the mantel of your father’s house.
but i found myself caught up in the sheets at four a.m.
expecting out loud what i wouldn’t simply request.
heart racing and fear intertwined with disappointment.
i need to tell you how much i need you here, but i get flustered.
i felt like i was awake for so long.
i felt frustrated and confused.
riding the wave of emotion when there’s nothing left i can do.
and maybe i’m getting sick or maybe i’m falling in love,
but i do know that i’ve got this urge to tell you everything.
tell you every awful, beautiful thing about myself.
maybe then it’d be easier to get that mental image.
worked up, torn up, mixed up, falling down.
maybe you don’t want to be the one i’ve chosen to move forward with.
i speculate about your feelings more than i’ve got the nerve to just ask.
eh.
well i’m awake and it’s eight am, and i know you’re awake.
but there’s not much i can do now save for turn the lights out and wait for my stomach to settle.
but just so you know,
you’re the kind of person i see myself with.
you’re the kind of guy i want to trust.
when i wake up on thirty percent of the week, i’d like you to be there next to me.
and i feel connected to you emotionally more than i’ll dare to admit somewhere other than my own words.
but yeah, i think i like you.